


kitchen counter

by ordanary



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Christmas, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-25 19:12:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17127116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ordanary/pseuds/ordanary
Summary: Phil asks Dan to come up north with him for Christmas, some realizations are made in the kitchen, and now Nigel owes Kath twenty pounds.





	kitchen counter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AntisocailIntrovert](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntisocailIntrovert/gifts).



> Heya !! This is my secret santa fic for the absolutely lovely AntisocailIntrovert <3 I hope you have a wonderful holiday, sweetheart, and thank you for the creative prompts !!
> 
> As well I’d like to thank my wonderful beta reader, @philliebf. Your comments and suggestions were beyond helpful, I love you lots <3

“Can we talk about something?” Phil asks Dan, leaning against the marble of their flat’s kitchen counter. 

It’s Christmas Eve Eve Eve, as Phil would put it, and Dan’s busy cooking dinner for the both of them. It really isn’t necessary for Phil to be in the kitchen with him, not when Dan’s offered to make their entire dinner and insisted about twenty times that he should just go watch something in the lounge while he waits. 

But he’s got a purpose in being here. 

Phil has always been a firm believer that important discussions should take place in the kitchen. His grandma believed it, his mum still believes it, and he can’t help but follow in their footsteps after having the notion instilled into his brain so many times throughout the years. 

He thinks that maybe it’s because the kitchen is the heart of a home, the centre of conversation and laughter. Or at least that’s what he read in a cooking magazine a few years back. He’ll stick with that explanation though, it makes the most sense. 

Dan looks up from the stir fry he's stirring. It’s Phil’s last night at home before he’ll head up north to visit his family for Christmas, and he can tell Dan’s pretending not to care. The aforementioned usually goes back to visit his own family at Christmas, but this year that’s not an option due to something in particular he confessed to them a few months ago. Phil doesn’t know what he told them, but he won’t prod.

So Dan will be home alone in their flat this year, and it’s far too late for Phil to cancel his own plans.

Only he doesn’t want his best friend to be alone on Christmas. He doesn’t want Dan to get scared of the dark and stay up until six in the morning every day while he’s gone. It’s happened before, when Phil would come home from short trips and Dan would be in absolute shambles; bags under his eyes, unwashed hair, cheek plastered to the floor as that’s the only place that doesn’t make him feel like he’s falling when he’s alone. 

Phil doesn’t want that again, doesn’t want to deal with coming home to that three day limbo during which Dan can’t decide whether he’s okay now or not. Because as much as he doesn’t mind helping him out of it, he can’t deal to see his best friend like that again if he can do anything to stop it. 

So this is his solution. He’s going to ask Dan to come with him this year, to spend the remainder of the holiday season with him and his family. 

“Yeah, what is it?” Asks Dan, turning around to lean against the counter’s edge. 

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I think you should just come up north with me tomorrow morning.”

Dan looks down to his feet, shaking his head. “Nah, it’s fine. I don’t wanna impose.”

Phil shakes his head as well, only for a different reason. Dan can be so stupid sometimes, even after Kath’s told him so many times that he’s welcome in her home whenever and that he never has to ask to come over. Of course that was before Phil moved out of his family home and into the flat with Dan, but he knows the same rules still apply. Kath isn’t the type to ever revoke them. 

“You wouldn’t be imposing, you know my family is yours too. Besides, I want you with me on Christmas.” Phil pleads with his eyes, hoping Dan will just say yes. He really doesn’t want him to be alone, especially on such an occasion as Christmas. 

Dan bites his lip, finally looking up to meet his eyes. He looks to be contemplating the situation in his head, going back and forth between outcomes and possibilities that are all too simple in Phil’s own mind. Eventually he releases his chapped bottom lip from between his teeth. “Are you sure your parents are okay with it?” He asks meekly, his tone unsure.

Phil’s quick to nod. “Of course, I already called them.” He pauses, knowing Dan has never been easy to convince. “Look. I know it’s super late notice, but I really do want you to come with me. I won’t be having fun if I know you’re all alone.”

So with a soft smile growing on his lips and something fond in his golden brown eyes, Dan nods. “Yeah, okay. I’ll go with you.” He returns to stirring their dinner. 

—

The next morning is stressful to say the least. They spend most of it packing in their respective rooms and reminding each other of items they know the other will forget. Just as they’re about to leave, as Phil’s gathering his family's presents from under their tree and packing them into a suitcase, Dan curses. 

Phil looks up, confused. Dan runs a hand through his straightened hair, frowning. “I don’t have anything for your family.”

Phil just shakes his head fondly, smiling to himself over the fact that Dan considers that to be an issue. He tells him not to worry, pulling each gift he recently packed back out of the suitcase and grabbing a sharpie from their utility drawer. 

Without a second thought or a hint of hesitation he sharpies in ‘and Dan’ next to his name on every messily wrapped gift. Dan watches from the floor beside him, first opening his mouth to protest before Phil tells him to stay quiet, he’s concentrating. 

He doesn’t say it, but he likes the way their names look together on his family’s presents. 

— 

They’re both rightfully exhausted when they finally make it onto the train. As it’s so close to Christmas, it’s mostly packed with busy working people heading back to their families for the holiday. 

Regardless, they still somehow manage to find a mostly secluded spot near the end of one car. Their shoulders are pressed firmly together as the seat is probably only meant for one person, but neither seem to mind. 

Phil watches as Dan immediately puts in his headphones, thinking that maybe he should dig through his backpack and find his as well. He does, but the music isn’t doing as well of a good job at distracting him as they would if he were alone. Every time Dan shifts uncomfortably in their seat, he’s blatantly aware of just how long of a ride this is going to be. 

So he shifts a bit, pulling out his right headphone and gently removing Dan’s left one. 

The latter looks up, the question of why Phil just did that clearly displayed in his eyes. 

“You can lean on me, you know,” says Phil. 

Dan looks confused for a second before finally clicking in, glancing between him and his shoulder indecisively for the second time in less than twenty four hours. “You sure?” 

Phil nods. “I don’t mind at all.”

So he spends the rest of their long train ride with Dan’s back against his side and the back of his head against his shoulder. Phil’s arm is loosely wrapped around the younger boy’s side, his hand resting on his thigh while they both scroll mindlessly through their phones, no words exchanged. 

Phil’s back is pressed rather uncomfortably into the not-so-comfy siding of their seat, but Dan looks a hell of a lot more comfortable, so he once again doesn’t mind. He’s noticed that seems to be a trend over the past few months; not minding when it comes to Dan. 

—

“Child!” Kath Lester exclaims as she opens the door to her home. She opens her arms wide and Phil grins, dropping his things and stepping forward to accept her undoubtedly warm embrace. Dan joins in a second later, probably after Kath gave him a dirty look or something of the like, but Phil wraps an arm around his back nevertheless. 

“We’re cold, mum,” he mutters against the top of her head, laughing a bit. It’s true; there’s snow outside and the temperature is resting well below zero. He’d really rather not have to deal with the cold for any longer than necessary, regardless of his mum’s welcoming hug. 

Kath laughs too and releases the boys from her hold, instead placing a hand on each of their cheeks and looking as though she might cry. 

Always so dramatic, she is, Phil thinks. 

“Oh, I haven’t seen you two in ages. Come inside!”

After being ushered inside and enduring an additional three hugs from his father, Martyn, and Cornelia, Phil heads down the hall towards the bedrooms. Dan follows closely behind like always, his small suitcase rolling quietly after him.

Wanting to get Dan settled in before worrying about himself, Phil turns to enter the guest bedroom only to freeze in his tracks when he sees the state it’s in. 

The once maroon walls are clearly in the process of being painted a light beige, large sections of the walls still unpainted. There’s a ladder set up on one side of the room and furniture covered by messy white sheets on the other. As well, Phil can see more than a few spots where either his mum or his dad have no doubt accidentally spilled paint on the floor. 

It’s quite evident that there’s absolutely no way Dan will be sleeping in the guest bedroom, and that alone springs a rush of worry in Phil’s chest. He’d really rather not have made such a big deal out of Dan coming with him for the holidays only to make him sleep on the sofa, and on Christmas Eve, no less! 

Well, Christmas Eve and the few nights surrounding it as well. Still, it’s unfair and not another minute passes before he’s turning around and making his way back into the lounge, dragging Dan behind him. 

“Mum?” He calls, catching the red haired woman’s attention. 

She pulls her focus away from folding blankets and instead turns to the boys with a warm smile. “Yes, love?”

Phil pouts. “You didn’t tell me the guest room is under renovation.”

Sighing, she shakes her head. “Sorry about that, it was rather last-minute on your father’s part. I didn’t think you’d be too upset about it, really.” Phil doesn’t exactly know what that implies, but he chooses to ignore it. 

Kath meets Dan’s eyes. “Dan, would you be okay with sleeping in Phil’s room while you’re here?”

Something about that idea makes Phil’s stomach twist, and he’s not sure whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing. 

Dan doesn’t even so much as glance in his direction before answering. “No, of course not. We’re used to sharing the same space by now,” he says, smiling politely at Kath. It’s now that he looks up at Phil, or his new roommate, the latter supposes. “Right, Phil?”

Phil just sighs. Yeah, Dan’s not wrong; they’ve probably spent more time together in the last year than they have with anyone else, ever. It’s just the strange way he feels inside that makes him question if it’s a good idea or not. He’s pretty sure this will mean also sharing a bed, which they’ve done before, but still. It seems weird this time. 

Which is ludicrous, he knows, because absolutely nothing has changed with their friendship since the last time they slept together. So he forces himself to smile and nod at Dan’s question. “Yeah, it’ll be fine.”

—

It’s a few hours later before Phil actually realizes that it genuinely will be fine. He really doesn’t know why he ever doubted it, why he ever thought that it would be awkward or uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed. He and Dan are best friends, there’s really not much they haven’t done together. 

Dan, as per usual, was a bit hesitant to get comfortable in the house at first. He neatly placed his suitcase on the floor beside Phil’s messily opened one and was oddly polite even to Phil himself for a little while, but he eventually warmed up to the situation like he always does. Phil reckons he sometimes forgets that his family is Dan’s too, and that he’s more of a second son to his parents than a guest. 

They’re playing Pictionary now, the six of them huddled on the sofa and floor around the board game. Martyn and Cornelia are winning, Dan and Phil closely behind them and Phil’s parents a few squares back. 

It’s the boys’ go again, and Phil’s turn to guess the card that Dan’s about to act out. The latter picks up a card from the top of the deck, looking it over for a few seconds before nodding to himself and looking up. 

“Flip the timer,” he says to Martyn. 

The little three-minute glass starts draining and Dan immediately jumps into action, sticking two fingers up to signify that the card is two words before puffing his cheeks out and slowly flapping his arms at his side. Phil can’t help but laugh, really. 

“Bird?” He guesses, eyebrows raised. Dan shakes his head furiously and Cornelia laughs from beside him. He changes his course of action a bit and starts opening and closing his mouth, still flapping his arms at his side. “Fish!” Exclaims Phil.

Dan grins, nodding. He then moves onto the seconds word, standing up and extending an arm straight out at his side. “Uhh, tall?” Dan shakes his head, glaring. “Lamp post? Um, no, tree?” 

Dan nods again, using his free hand to point to his extended arm. 

“Um, fish tree? Fish pine? Fish branch– oh! Fish sticks!” He shouts, probably too loud as his family laughs hysterically around him. “It’s fish sticks!”

Dan’s laughing too, sitting back down and leaning over the table to raise his eyebrows at Phil. “Fish tree? Are you serious?”

Phil narrows his eyes, but he can’t stop himself from chuckling a bit too. Okay, so maybe ‘fish tree’ isn’t among his finest guesses. “Shut up! I’m sure fish trees exist, probably in Antarctica.”

Nobody bothers to argue with him, and they all move on with the game. It’s Martyn and Cornelia who end up winning, but Phil doesn’t really care too much. He’s tired by the time they pack everything up and put the box away, and all he really wants is to go to bed. 

So with a goodnight kiss from his mum and an awkward half wave from his father, Phil and Dan both head into the former’s room to call it a night. Neither worry about going somewhere else as they change into pyjamas, or in Dan’s case only his boxers, and there really isn’t any point. They’ve accidentally seen each other naked too many times to care about changing in front of the other. 

Dan crawls into their shared bed first, settling himself against the wall as he knows Phil likes the other side. It works out perfectly too, seeing as he knows Dan prefers the opposite side to him as well. He briefly wonders if that’s a strange thing to know about your best friend.

Sharing a bed with Dan feels strange at first, like it’s something that shouldn’t be happening nowadays. It was something they only ever used to do in the first year, during thunderstorms or simply whenever Dan felt like it. Phil always wondered if it was supposed to mean something more, like if he was perhaps meant to kiss him or something. It was all very confusing back then, and from time to time he still finds himself thinking about those nights when Dan would sneak into his room and make himself comfortable under Phil’s covers without a single word. 

He’s mostly glad that they don’t do that anymore; it was too hard on his heart and mind. 

Now Dan sticks to his own bed save for the times he falls unconscious on the sofa, or that one time a few weeks back when they were up late editing a video in Phil’s room and he couldn’t keep his eyes open. It’s good that way, Phil knows that.

Still, sleeping together in Phil’s old room almost feels like a step backwards, and yet simultaneously a step in a direction that he doesn't dare turn his back on. It’s old, but it feels new. 

—

They wake up late as per usual, each sprawled on their respective sides of the bed and aimlessly grasping for whatever inkling of sleep they can manage. They’ve clearly left the blinds open– either that or Kath’s been in the room recently. Whatever the case, Phil despises the bright outcome of cheery sunshine washing over everything in the small space.

He presses his nose into his pillow, trying to create the illusion that it’s still dark out. It doesn’t work though, and all it really does is make him feel like sneezing for a few seconds. When he rolls over he finds Dan on his back, slowly blinking his eyes open before yawning. It makes Phil yawn as well, of course, and Dan laughs. 

“G’morning,” mumbles Dan, his voice sounding quiet and unused. 

Phil says the same with a lazy smile. He really doesn’t want to get up, but he thinks he hears his mum in the kitchen and he knows that if they don’t get out of bed soon she’ll come in and bang pots and pans in their ears. 

He mentions just that to Dan and he chuckles, nodding. “Yeah, I remember that from the one time we slept in the lounge,” he recounts. 

“Oh yeah,” Phil agrees. “I forgot about that. Why did we even sleep in the lounge?” 

“Your aunt was in the guest room and there was a bee in yours.”

“Right. I’m glad we safely avoided the bee.”

Dan smiles, rubbing at his eyes. “Me too.”

They eventually each find the strength within themselves to push out of bed and get dressed into sweats and a t-shirt before venturing out into the lounge. Kath is just zipping up her long winter coat as they walk in, and everyone else is already standing around the front entrance in their hats, mitts, and coats, clearly with the intent to leave the home. 

“Morning, sleepy heads,” greets Cornelia, waving a mitten clad hand once. 

“Where’re you going?” Asks Dan.

Kath slips on her boots. “We’re gonna go take a walk down the road. Would you two like to come?”

Phil glances at Dan before answering easily for the both of them. “No thanks, we need coffee. Have fun.”

Kath smiles. “Alright.” The four of them head out then, closing the door behind them and making the shutters shake in doing so. 

Dan doesn’t speak as he pads into the kitchen, Phil following closely in his footsteps and watching distantly as he sets up the coffee machine. They both wait around silently until it’s ready, each pouring their own drinks into mugs that are far too mature compared to the Hello Kitty and Mario ones they’ve got at home. 

Drinking their coffee together on the sofa really just feels like every other morning, nothing special. The only difference is that now there isn’t some animé playing quietly on the television screen and Dan isn’t melting into his nonexistent sofa crease like usual. 

He jokes about it a bit, says it feels wrong not to have that bit of cushion slowly ruining his spine at the moment. Phil says it’s probably a good thing, but he misses their sofa too. He misses stupid things like that every time he goes away.

The rest of Phil’s family don’t end up showing their faces again until noon, when they all come back inside with rosy cheeks and wet coats and mittens. Cornelia says that they had a snowball fight and that she totally kicked Martyn’s ass. She looks over to Kath after the words leave her lips, like she’s worried that she’ll scold her for saying “ass”. 

Kath just agrees with her though. “She’s right, your brother was annihilated,” she tells Phil. Martyn pouts. “You two need to go outside, by the way. I won’t have you just sitting around for your entire stay.”

Phil groans. He’d really rather just stay in the warmth that is his parents’ house, away from all the wet snow and freezing cold wind. “Do we have to?”

Kath hums. 

“But Dan’s allergic to snow, he told me last night.”

“Oh, shut it,” laughs Dan. “I wanna throw snowballs at you, let’s go.”

It takes some persuasiveness, but Phil does agree to go outside with Dan while everyone else huddles inside. They go into the back yard, where there’s already evidence of Martyn and Cornelia’s snowball fight from earlier. Phil’s given absolutely no time to acclimatize to the cold weather before there’s snow in his face. 

He swipes it off with his mitt, frowning. “I’m gonna get you, Howell!”

It’s all snow-fuelled threats and merciless attacks from then on, and by the time they have to stop out of exhaustion they’re both lying on their backs in the snow, chests heaving with laughter. 

They eventually head back in as both their pants are completely soaked. They get changed in Phil’s room and he’s the first one to go back into the lounge. Everyone’s mid conversation so he settles down on the sofa beside his mum, stealing a sip of her coffee. 

She leans in while her husband’s talking, her voice low and quiet. “I need to ask you something a bit later,” she whispers. 

Phil has no idea what she could be referring to and he’s not really given too much time to think about it before Dan’s suddenly back in the lounge and squishing in between Martyn and Phil, practically sitting on the latter’s lap. 

Phil doesn’t complain because he once again doesn’t mind. He’s quite used to Dan and him taking up each other’s spaces. 

—

The rest of the day passes like it usually does when Phil’s up north. There’s Kath’s amazing food, and the warmth of his family nonstop, and of course the ridiculous amount of board games they play. It’s starts off with a game of monopoly that lasts about an hour too long, and then progresses into Taboo and Heart-Throb with only Martyn and Corn when his parents retreat into the kitchen to make dinner. 

Well, Kath’s making the dinner, but she likes the company. 

Dinner is wonderful, as per usual, and Dan comments about just that about a million times while they’re eating. Kath loves the praise for her cooking, Phil can tell, and she honestly more than deserves it. 

After dessert as everyone’s talking around the dining table, Phil offers to do the dishes with his mum. What he’s really thinking though, is that it’s a good opportunity to find out what his mum wanted to ask him before she forgets all together. 

“What did you want to ask me?” He asks, turning off the tap and beginning to wash the first plate. 

Kath hums from beside him, waiting with her towel to dry the dishes. “It’s about you and Dan, and you don’t have to answer if you’re not comfortable. I’m just curious, is all.”

Phil clutches the plate a bit tighter in his hands, momentarily halting his scrubbing motion over the bubble-covered dish. He doesn’t like the hesitance in his mum’s voice, how even she seems nervous about asking her question. He wonders if it will have something to do with the way she’s been treating them funny, like she thinks she might know something that even they don’t. 

He swallows thickly, placing the now washed plate on the drying rack and nodding. “Go on,” he prompts.

“Firstly, you should know that I am your mother and if the answer to this question is yes, then I won’t love you or Dan any less.” 

Phil nods. He’s a bit more than nervous now. What’s she gonna accuse them of, cannibalism? 

“Are you two a couple?”

He freezes again, looking up with confusion in his eyes. Aside from the overwhelming question of ‘Why would my mum think that I’m in a relationship with my best friend?”, Phil thinks that he’s really not gonna make any progress in washing up if they keep going at this rate. 

“Mum, why would you think that?” He asks, his voice noticeably a bit quieter. He’s afraid someone else will overhear their conversation now, and really, he kind of wishes she’d just accused them of cannibalism instead. 

Kath shrugs. “You’re awfully close, you know. Even for best friends, I don’t think I’ve ever seen any two people so in tune with each other; not even Martyn and Corn,” she explains. 

There’s a short pause after she speaks and Phil doesn’t know how to fill it. Since when does being close automatically mean being romantically involved with someone?

“Yeah, but we’re not dating. We’re just friends, I thought you knew that.”

Kath goes back to drying dishes, eyes downcast. She doesn’t seem too phased by any part of their conversation, only a bit . . . disappointed? Really?

“That’s a shame, Dan would make a wonderful son-in-law,” she mumbles, just loud enough for Phil to have caught it. 

“Mum!” He exclaims, heat crawling up his neck and onto his cheeks. He really hopes nobody is listening in on their discussion right now. 

Kath only laughs, whacking his arm with the drying towel. “Oh, I’m only teasing.” She pauses, thoughtful. “Or maybe I’m not, who knows? But you know I’d love you no matter who you love, right?”

Phil thinks he wants to shrink in on himself now. He really doesn’t want to be having this discussion right now. Or ever. Because truth be told, attraction just really isn’t one of those things he’s thought too much about. Sure, there was that time in university when he’d experimented a bit and had explored the possibility that maybe he isn’t straight, but it’s not something he thinks he wants to share with his mum at the moment. 

So instead he just releases a defeated sigh, working his hardest to focus his attention on the washing up. “I’m not dating Dan,” he mutters under his breath. 

Kath chuckles and rubs at his shoulder. “Okay, love.”

For whatever reason, Phil gets the gist that she doesn’t completely believe him, but at the moment he’s past the point of caring. Or at the very least he’s past the point of bothering to show that he cares. 

He’s not sure what about his mum’s assumption bothers him so much. He knows he’s not homophobic, and he’s pretty sure that with all the speculation from their viewers that he should be past worrying about it by now, but he isn’t. He doesn't know why, but it’s just the truth. 

Perhaps it’s that he wasn’t aware of just how couple-y they seemed to everyone else, and now he’s wondering if Dan is oblivious as well. It’s not something they ever talk about. 

So he finishes up the dishes and makes up an excuse about not feeling well enough to participate in the Christmas Eve Monopoly game, wanting to get to sleep early. It’s bullshit and he knows it, but it works nevertheless. Kath sends him off to bed with a kiss on the forehead and everyone else says a disappointed goodnight. 

Dan stays behind to play the game, and Phil’s really not too disappointed about that. He needs a bit of time to himself, he reckons. For a reason that he can’t quite decipher, this holiday has brought with it so many new unanswered questions and unexplored thoughts. 

Phil brushes his teeth alone and heads into his room without another word, changing and getting into bed. He doesn’t like the strange way it feels empty after only one night of having Dan sleep on the other side. 

As he tosses and turns for over an hour, trying his best to just sleep and over analyse his reactions later, he begins to realize that that may not be a possibility for him– which is funny. It’s usually Dan who overthinks things and needs Phil to calm him down. It’s rare that the tables turn. 

Though they really haven’t turned, if you think about it, because Dan’s not here to calm him down. In fact, he’s the one who’s making him feel these stupid conflicting emotions right now.

He kinda wants to punch Dan in the stomach for that. He also wants to hug him to his chest and make sure nothing ever hurts him though, so he’s not exactly certain what to make of this. It actually makes him laugh out loud a bit, muffling the quiet sound with his pillow. 

Who the fuck knows, maybe he is in love with him. He doesn’t know, doesn’t really know anything at the moment. And he doesn’t want to think about it right now, so he’s especially thankful when he hears the bedroom door creak open and the sound of Dan shuffling to strip out of his clothes. 

Phil pretends to sleep and Dan doesn’t check to see if he’s awake, only climbs under the covers beside him and rests his head against the pillow. Phil can feel the added weight on the mattress beside him and the sensation of eyes on him. He’s not surprised when Dan starts talking quietly. 

“I don’t think you’re awake, but I’m gonna tell you that I won the game anyway because I’m too polite to boast in front of your family and I need to get it out somehow,” he whispers. 

Phil wants to smile, but he holds back. He’s not sure he wants Dan knowing he’s not asleep. 

“Oh, and Martyn called you a pussy for going to sleep when your parents went into the kitchen. He’s not wrong, you missed out on getting beat at Monopoly by me.”

Okay, he can’t help but chuckle now. He opens his eyes, having momentarily forgotten about his worries. “Shut up, you dork,” he whispers back, surprising Dan, whose face is no doubt slightly redder now. 

“I hate you.”

Phil grins as he turns over to face the rest of his room and closes his eyes. “Okay, goodnight.”

Dan doesn’t respond, but it’s safe to say they’re both asleep before he’d even be able to come up with a good comeback. 

—

Phil wakes up to Dan shaking his shoulders gently, opens his eyes to stare groggily up at his overly enthusiastic best friend. 

“Wake up, it's Christmas and I want breakfast.”

Phil groans. “No,” he grumbles, turning to smoosh his face into his neon pillow. “Let me sleep.”

He feels Dan sit up. “Wake up or else.”

“Or else what?”

“I’ll kill you?”

“I think you’ve used that threat like a billion times and I’m still not dead,” he says, finally lifting his head. “It’s cause you like me too much.”

Dan narrows his eyes, hiding a smile. “No, I’m just still in the plotting phase. I’ll get you one day.” His hair is a mess, finally beginning to settle back to it’s naturally curly state, and the way he’s smiling makes him look younger, like when they first met a few years back. 

“I like your hair when it’s curly,” mumbles Phil instead of responding to Dan’s murderous plotting. 

“Yeah, well I like breakfast,” replies Dan, rolling his eyes. He leans forward and grabs Phil’s hand in a flash, quickly making an effort to pull him into a sitting position and out of bed. Phil’s fully capable of pulling back and probably pushing Dan back down on his side of the mattress as well, but he doesn’t try it. He’ll go get breakfast with him instead.

So he uses the little time it takes Dan to get dressed into sweats and a jumper to fully wake up. He yawns more than once, stretching out his long limbs a bit like a cat. Dan makes fun of him for it. 

The first thing they see upon leaving Phil’s room is a surprisingly empty lounge. The lights on the tree are all lit up and there’s Christmas music playing softly on his parents’ small CD player, but no one’s actually around. And then they peek their heads around the corner and Phil spots all four sleepy family members huddled around the kitchen counter, all waiting for coffee, it seems. 

Kath smiles brightly upon noticing them, moving forward to scoop them both up in a warm hug. She presses a kiss to Phil’s forehead, and then Dan’s before stepping back. “Merry Christmas, loves!” She says excitedly. And then: “We didn’t think you’d be up so early.”

Phil glances at the oven clock. It’s just after seven. “Dan threatened to kill me if I didn’t get breakfast with him.” 

“Naughty boy,” scolds Kath as she shakes her head at her youngest son’s best friend. 

Cornelia laughs from behind her, punching Martyn in the shoulder. “Sounds like someone I know.”

As his family slowly disperses out into the lounge, Phil helps Dan get cereal, before joining them on the floor around the tree. 

Kath immediately starts handing out presents to everyone, and Christmas morning with the Lester Clan officially begins. 

Phil gets a new mystery novel from his brother and Cornelia, and his parents buy him a few small trinkets, all of which are things that only his family would know to get him. He hands them all the gifts he’d added Dan’s name to when he’s done with his own, and everyone seems quite pleased with the quirky and probably useless things he’s gotten them. 

Dan makes a point to tell them that he really didn’t have any part in picking things out, that Phil just added his name to the labels as he was stressing about not having anything to give them. Phil tells him to shut up and Kath tells him that spending the holidays with them is a gift enough. Everyone agrees, including Phil.

He actually seems surprised when Kath hands him a neatly wrapped gift and says it’s from all the Lester’s minus Phil, almost as if he expected them to ignore him on Christmas morning even after explicitly inviting him to stay. Phil watches as he opens it shyly, completely unaware of what it is, himself. 

Dan beams when he pulls out the grey and black striped hoodie, immediately holding it out in front of himself and feeling the soft inside material. He’s quick to thank them all and give mostly everyone a short hug before tugging it over his head and pulling the sleeves over his hands. 

Phil thinks it’s cute. It reminds him of when they were a few years younger and Dan would borrow, or rather steal his university hoodies to wear around the house when he was cold. The dark aesthetic of this new hoodie suits Dan very well compared to the bright green of the one he used to steal. 

“This is quite Dan esque,” he comments, slipping his fingers under the little bit of Dan’s sleeve to feel the softness in full. “Very soft. I’ll probably end up stealing it.”

Kath laughs and Martyn rolls his eyes. “Honestly, why do we even bother getting them individual things? They’ll just share it all, anyway.”

Phil glares in annoyance but he knows it’s true. Most of his clothes are in Dan’s closet at home and vice versa, and there isn’t really an item they own that isn’t shared equally between them. What’s Phil’s is Dan’s and what’s Dan’s is Phil’s. It’s been like that since 2009, and he can’t really see that changing anytime soon.

“Now we get to exchange gifts,” Dan says as their presents for each other are the only ones left under the tree now. 

It’s a good thing they held back on exchanging gifts this year as they usually would’ve done it a few days before Phil would’ve gone up north alone, otherwise they might not‘ve had anything to open from one another today, Phil thinks. He reaches under the tree and retrieves his messily wrapped –as always– gift for Dan and hands it to him. 

Dan does the same, except his is noticeably wrapped much better. Oh well, Phil thinks. It’s the thought that counts. Or he’ll at least keep telling himself that until he learns how to wrap properly. 

“Open yours first,” Dan demands, placing his own gift in his lap and waiting excitedly for Phil to open his. 

So Phil does so, slowly tearing apart the thin paper and opening the large white box it reveals. It’s a hoodie, like the one his mum gave Dan, only it’s blue and white instead. He runs his hands over the soft fabric, grinning as he pulls it out of the box. He doesn’t hesitate before ripping off the tags –which Dan’s already scratched the price off of– and pulling it over his head. 

“This is literally so nice,” he comments, wrapping his arms around his middle. He’s much warmer now. “We’re sweater buddies.”

Dan laughs before humming in agreement. “You like it?”

Phil wants to roll his eyes but he holds back. “I love it.”

“Don’t be naive, Phil,” warns Cornelia, her voice mock cautious. “He’s only bought it for you so he can steal it back once you get home.”

Placing a finger over his own lips, Dan shushes her. “Corn! Don’t expose me!”

“You can’t steal it from me if I never take it off,” Phil laughs. “Now open your present, please.”

Dan rolls his eyes through a grin and starts unwrapping Phil’s messy work. It’s not hard, seeing as the tape is barely sticking together at all. “Your wrapping skills need work,” he mutters. 

“Hey! I just made it easier for you to unwrap!” 

“Whatever you say.”

Dan eventually opens the slightly smaller box, removing bits of tissue paper and finally pulling out the candle Phil bought for him. The actual candle is off white, and the lady at Yankee Candle said the smell of vanilla it emits becomes twice as strong when it’s burning. Dan loves vanilla, so he hopes he’ll like that bit too. The glass holder it comes in is made of stained grey, black, and red pieces, and looks more like a small vase rather than a candle holder.

Phil watches with nervous anticipation as Dan lifts the candle to his nose and smells the vanilla scented wax, grinning like Phil did when he put on the hoodie. 

He doesn’t say anything, just places the candle down safely on the floor and turns to Phil, extending his arms. The latter immediately accepts the opportunity to wrap Dan up in a big hug, smiling as he breathes in the mixed scent of new fabric and something that's distinctly Dan. 

“Thank you, Phil,” Dan speaks into his hood. 

“You’re welcome.”

They pull away and Dan inspects the candle some more, clutching it in his hands as Nigel starts to gather all the discarded wrapping paper and take it into the kitchen garbage. Everyone waits only a few minutes more before taking their empty coffee mugs into the kitchen and helping clean up. Eventually though they all end up back in lounge relaxing.

Not too much time later, Phil’s brother and his girlfriend head into their room, both claiming they’re now too tired to be awake and that the Christmas excitement has worn off mostly.

With them gone it’s just Dan, Phil, and his parents left sat around the tree. Being a restless hostess as always, Kath soon stands up and heads into the kitchen. Nigel follows like a lost puppy. 

“And then there were two,” Dan comments, his voice deeper than usual in a way that makes his remark sound ominous and important. 

Phil nods. “This is literally the coziest thing I own now,” he says as he wraps his sweater clad arms around his body. 

“Don’t be surprised if I actually steal it from you every once in a while,” laughs Dan. “I’m really glad you like it though, I didn’t know what to get you.”

“You could’ve gotten me a roll of kitchen foil and it would’ve been my most prized possession.”

“Aw, how sweet!” Dan fake gags. Phil laughs. 

Kath reappears in the lounge minutes later and Nigel walks past them all towards the front door. 

“Your father and I are going to pick up a few things at the store, okay? I forgot to buy dinner rolls, silly me!”

Phil nods, chuckling. “Alright, good luck finding an open grocery store.”

“Bye loves.”

The door slams shut not minutes later and Dan turns to Phil, an intentful glint in his golden brown eyes. “I want hot chocolate.”

“You’re making it.”

“Fine, but you’re coming with me. You need to show me where the kettle is, rat.”

So for the billionth time this morning they’re back in the kitchen and Phil’s pulling out the kettle from the cupboard where his parents keep it. It’s the same one they’ve had since he first moved out, but he’s pretty sure it’s still works just as good. 

Phil fills it up and presses down the switch on the kettle before leaning against the counter, Dan beside him. 

They’re both comfortably silent for a little while before Dan speaks up. “This Christmas feels so different.”

Phil nods. It does, but not in a bad way, he thinks. “In a good way or a bad way?”

“A good way. I like spending it with you.”

“Me too,” he smiles. 

The kettle pops and Phil jumps, laughing once he realizes what it is. He grabs two of his parents’ painfully normal mugs and fills the bottoms with hot chocolate powder before pouring in some of the boiled water and milk. They both stir in silence beside each other, bumping hips every few seconds. 

He doesn’t really know what to say, which is odd when it comes to Dan. He feels almost like there’s something he needs to tell him, something he needs to get off his chest. It takes him a few seconds to figure it out before he remembers the conversation he had with his mum last night. That’s usually the kind of awkward moment they share with the other person, laugh about together. 

What harm can bringing it up do, he thinks. 

“You’ll never believe what my mum asked me last night before I went to bed,” he announces with a chuckle. It’s funny, he tells himself. He isn’t actually contemplating its meaning, he’s just stressed because of the holiday season. 

“Oh?” Asks Dan, eyebrow raised. “What’d she ask?”

“If we’re dating.”

Dan laughs, but it sounds off. Phil wants to take those words back now, he doesn’t want Dan to be uncomfortable though it sounds like he already is. 

“Why do you think she thought that?” Dan asks before Phil has a chance to change the subject to something less awkward. Surprisingly though, he seems less uncomfortable and more interested now. 

Phil doesn’t question it. “I dunno, actually. I guess we're just really close for friends?” 

Dan laughs. “I thought everyone already knew that.”

It suddenly seems like he’s standing a lot closer to Phil, finishing stirring his drink and then placing the spoon in the sink. Phil does the same, wondering why the fuck he feels so flustered now. What’s wrong with him? 

“Yeah, me too.” He pauses, turning around to lean against the counter again. “When will everyone just accept that we’re friends?”

Dan doesn’t answer that question, instead he asks: “Can you imagine us being together like that, though?”

That takes Phil by surprise. He thought Dan would just drop it and move on like he’s trying to do. His shoulders feel all tense and his stomach feels weird, like their conversation is actually making his body guard whatever message his brain is trying to send him. 

He laughs nervously, eyes on his hot chocolate. “Why, can you?”

If Dan’s last remark took him by surprise then this one knocks the breath right out of his lungs. “Yeah, we’d be a cute couple, I think.”

It isn’t just the words that leave his lips that confuse Phil’s everything, but the way he says them as well. It’s almost as if he’s flirting, something he’s only seen Dan do before at parties and YouTube gatherings and only ever when he’s drunk. 

But Dan’s not drunk right now, and he’s in Phil’s parents’ kitchen. Perhaps flirting with Phil. Out of nowhere. And why is it making the latter so confused? Shouldn’t he know it’s fake and just a joke? But the thing is, he doesn’t and he’s not sure it is. As well, he’s not sure if he wants it to be. 

So he laughs, and his voice is more than shaky. His hands are shaky too, so he places his barely-drank-from hot chocolate mug on the counter behind him and watches as Dan does the same. But his hands aren’t shaking like Phil’s are. 

“Would you really even want that?” He doesn’t know if he’s asking Dan or himself. 

Dan shows something other than maybe-flirtiness for the first time since entering the kitchen, his cheeks flushing a bit. So maybe Phil isn’t the only one flustered now. “Do you really want me to answer that honestly?”

Phil swallows. Does he? If Dan says no will he be disappointment or relieved? If he says yes well he be thankful or will things get awkward? He doesn’t know, he really doesn’t. 

“I think so,” he says. 

Dan’s slight nervousness transforms into something more like vulnerability. “Alright.” He shifts his weight on his feet, twisting his fingers together before him. “Remember when I went to visit my parents in October and I told them that thing that made them not want to invite me to Christmas?”

Of course Phil remembers. He didn’t want to ask him about it as he seemed rather upset and unwilling to share back then, but now he’s just wondering what it has to do with their conversation right now. He nods.

“Well I told them I’m bisexual.”

Phil looks up, meeting Dan’s eyes. He didn’t know that. Well, he’s wondered a few times if maybe Dan isn’t straight but he didn’t know that he’s actually put a label to it. And why didn’t he tell his best friend first? He’s trying not to be butthurt about it, to just be supportive and show his love no matter what, but it still hurts. 

“Oh,” he says. And then: “Why didn’t you tell me first? You know it wouldn’t’ve changed anything.” 

Dan looks guilty, and Phil hates it. He never wanted Dan to feel anything like that on Christmas, and never because of him. Phil suddenly wants to punch himself in the stomach.

“I didn’t tell you–“ Dan pauses, taking a breath and clearly struggling to maintain eye contact. “Because I also told my mum that I’m in love with my best friend.”

Dan’s in love with his best friend. His best friend. Dan’s in love with . . . Phil? 

“You’re in love with me?” He asks, his legs feeling a bit like jelly all of the sudden. This isn’t really happening, right?

Dan nods. “But I know you don’t feel the same way, so you can forget I said anything if that’s easiest for us.” 

He continues talking, but Phil’s not listening. He supposes it’s true then, what his mum says about kitchens. They’re a good place for important discussions, regardless of whether they’re planned or not. And if they’re good for important discussions, then they must be just as good for actions, right? 

So before he can let himself overthink it, Phil leans forward and presses his lips to Dan’s chapped ones, successfully shutting the younger boy up in the process. His one hand is cupping Dan’s jaw, the other pulling him closer by way of his hip. Dan’s own hands are limp at his sides, though he doesn’t seem to be protesting in the least bit to Phil’s actions. 

And neither is Phil, not one bit. If he wasn’t sure before, then he definitely is now. Nothing feels wrong and everything feels right. In fact, he can’t understand how he went four years without realizing it; he’s got feelings for Dan. Real, concrete, and intense feelings for Dan. 

He’s grinning wide when they pull away, breaking the kiss for air. Dan’s breathing hard against his lips, eyes still squeezed shut.

Phil chuckles, moving back a few inches to give him space. “Open your eyes.”

Dan does so, but hesitantly, like he’s afraid things will be completely and terribly wrong when he opens his eyes. Phil wonders for a second if Dan didn’t want this. 

But soon enough, Dan’s smiling too. “What does this mean?” He asks, voice small.

Phil thinks for a few seconds. His mind is fuzzy and swirling with thoughts and questions, but the underlying message to each one is that this is right. This is what he and Dan are supposed to do. 

So his answer comes surprisingly easy for all the trouble it cost him the night prior. “It means I love you too.”

Dan looks like he might cry, and his cheeks might just split from how wide he’s grinning. He leans up and wraps both arms around Phil’s neck, pulling him down for another kiss which the latter is happy to reciprocate. 

Everything feels the same kind of new that sleeping in Phil’s bed together did, and it’s now that Phil realizes that that isn’t a bad thing. It never was. 

They’re so lost in each other that neither really hear when the front door opens, or when Phil’s parents come through the lounge and into the kitchen, only when Kath sets down her grocery bag on the floor with a squeak. 

They jump apart, Phil hitting his hip painfully against the counter and wincing. Dan looks absolutely mortified, and Phil’s just waiting for his mum to say ‘I told you so’. 

“Well then,” she says instead, her eyes wide and amused. She turns to Nigel, elbows him in the side with a laugh. “I believe you owe me twenty pounds, now don’t you?” 

Nigel rolls his eyes and Phil can’t decide whether he’s more embarrassed or absolutely delighted by the fact that he just kissed Dan and everything feels new and perfect. But his mum is looking at him with her ‘I told you so’ eyes, so right now he’s leaning more towards the former. 

So he leans into Dan and whispers in his ear; “We’ll talk in my room?”

Dan nods and politely excuses himself, walking quickly out into the lounge and no doubt hiding in Phil’s room. Phil’s gonna go hide in his room too as soon as he can.

Kath laughs, closing the distance between herself and her son and wrapping her arms around him tightly. “Oh, love. I told you he’d make a lovely son in law.”

“Mum!”

“You know I’m right,” she adds. “I told you so.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading !! Maybe reblog on tumblr (@ordanary) ?? As always, kudos and comments are super appreciated and I hope you have a lovely day <3


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